25, you were one of the best and I loved you fiercly.
We're now on the downhill side to 30.
26, you've got a lot to live up to.
And here are 25 long overdue thank yous for this past year...
To my mom for being ridiculously proud of me every.single.day for 26 years which I didn't even know was possible.
To Carling for being my friend through every nonsense drunk & anxious text I send her whether it is at 11 p.m. or 5 a.m. and for letting me be my most honest, raw self and still loving me.
To my brother for forcing me to face head on all my beliefs about mental illness, family, and for teaching me that believing in someone fiercly despite the obvious is still worth it.
To my grandpa, who I miss every day, who taught me that I am beautiful & smart and that curiosity shouldn't be given up on.
To my sister for letting me be absolutely ridiculous and knowing how to throw an epic dance party and most of all, being the only one who really understands where I come from.
To Laura for the books, dvds, & the pursuit of a better life with less bullshit. To K for lunchiez, talking to me all day everyday, and teaching me how to grow the fuck up graciously. To Bekah for teaching me to love my body the way it is, unlimited margaritas, & for demonstrating intense wild bravery about life. To Casey for showing me that there are actually still people out there who are geniunely nice & good. To Megan for being my walking partner, lunch buddy, & helping me get through the daily grind.
To Taryn for supporting me as I did one of the scariest things in my life, reminding me of all the good times, & being there through text message for any crazy shitshow I go through.
To C for convincing me that I am not crazy and being the thing I needed to move forward and see myself more clearly.
To Gina for finding the prettiest shade of brown for my hair. To my boss for being an amazing female example, super honest, & challenging me. To Patricia for always fucking smiling & being someone who actually makes going to work fun. To Brad for being the best to my mom & the nicest to our family. To Evan for being the best to my sister & for always being up for a fun time.
To Ben Affleck for having the best beard & making the best movies. To Pandora for having stations like "drunk dance party" & "crying in the bathtub with wine." To the lovely people I follow on Twitter that make me laugh, chuckle, and realize I'm not the only confused 20something female who drinks a lot.
To H for being someone to violently and painfully end my destructive behavior and forcing me to move forward to my future happier life. To E for teaching me about having a better attitude, trying harder, & asking better questions.
To my cat, Mr. Riggins, for not actually murdering me, giving me the best morning snuggles, and for helping me not feel like I'm alone in an apartment in the city.
To M, for saving my life when I couldn't save myself, teaching me the meaning of standing the fuck up for myself, and being the propelling force that got me from A to B.
To J for being the most compassionate, reminding me to always calm the hell down, being on my team, loving me, and being the frying pan to my bacon. You are my wonderwall.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
On January, some things.
Sobriety: Today is my 27th day of sobriety. I am extremely proud of this.
Reading: I finished reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed and found it absolutely fantastic. I got halfway through The Kiss by Kathryn Harrison. I couldn't finish it because it's so f'ing weird. I won't spoil it in case some of you actually like reading books about weird completely f'ed up girls who bang their dads (that is not a spoiler, fyi). I'm currently reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. I'm listening to Tina Fey's Bossypants on audiobook.
Movies: I saw Zero Dark Thirty in theaters with J. One man in the theater yelled out "I told you that would happen!" at one point. It's a true story people. These things actually happened. I'd give it a solid B.
TV: I need more Scandal in my life. I'm watching The West Wing on Netflix. J & I are watching Sons of Anarchy Season 5 on the DVR. Did you see the episode Laying Pipe? Oh god.
Food: My new goal is to make 2 new pinterest recipes every month. I made eggs baked in avocado with facon last Sunday and I'm currently working on one in a crockpot. This past week was restaurant week and my friend and I made it to Spin! for a BLT salad, sundried tomato & olive pizza, & autumn crunch gelato that was fantastic.
The 5k: Today I ran the Groundhog run. I was incredibly slow. But I finished, so hooray!
Looking forward to: Spring
Reading: I finished reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed and found it absolutely fantastic. I got halfway through The Kiss by Kathryn Harrison. I couldn't finish it because it's so f'ing weird. I won't spoil it in case some of you actually like reading books about weird completely f'ed up girls who bang their dads (that is not a spoiler, fyi). I'm currently reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. I'm listening to Tina Fey's Bossypants on audiobook.
Movies: I saw Zero Dark Thirty in theaters with J. One man in the theater yelled out "I told you that would happen!" at one point. It's a true story people. These things actually happened. I'd give it a solid B.
TV: I need more Scandal in my life. I'm watching The West Wing on Netflix. J & I are watching Sons of Anarchy Season 5 on the DVR. Did you see the episode Laying Pipe? Oh god.
Food: My new goal is to make 2 new pinterest recipes every month. I made eggs baked in avocado with facon last Sunday and I'm currently working on one in a crockpot. This past week was restaurant week and my friend and I made it to Spin! for a BLT salad, sundried tomato & olive pizza, & autumn crunch gelato that was fantastic.
The 5k: Today I ran the Groundhog run. I was incredibly slow. But I finished, so hooray!
Looking forward to: Spring
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
So this is the new year...
Happy New Year!
Holy shit, it's 2013!
I had a fantastic NYE and was more than thrilled to spend it with some fantastic people, including J. We both took the day off work and sat inside watching Homeland and eating pizza while the snow fell. We made snack foods and our friends came over to drink champagne and countdown til midnight and watch fireworks and take shots. It was actually perfect.
I know that a lot of people say that resolutions are bullshit and if you want to change your life you should just do it instead of waiting for an arbitrary date on a calendar and blah blah blah. However, it just makes the actual most sense to do it at that time. Here are a few highlights from my list of goals for the year: run a 5k every month, read 2 books every month, & complete NDJ.
So today I bought my 2013 calendar and planner and ate my first vegan bacon burger and didn't drink at all and started a new 5k training program. So here we go. We can do this. We can totally fucking do this.
Sending you love and light in the new year.
Holy shit, it's 2013!
I had a fantastic NYE and was more than thrilled to spend it with some fantastic people, including J. We both took the day off work and sat inside watching Homeland and eating pizza while the snow fell. We made snack foods and our friends came over to drink champagne and countdown til midnight and watch fireworks and take shots. It was actually perfect.
I know that a lot of people say that resolutions are bullshit and if you want to change your life you should just do it instead of waiting for an arbitrary date on a calendar and blah blah blah. However, it just makes the actual most sense to do it at that time. Here are a few highlights from my list of goals for the year: run a 5k every month, read 2 books every month, & complete NDJ.
So today I bought my 2013 calendar and planner and ate my first vegan bacon burger and didn't drink at all and started a new 5k training program. So here we go. We can do this. We can totally fucking do this.
Sending you love and light in the new year.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Eff Yeah 2012
As the year draws to a close I have to admit that another year has passed and I didn't get around to a lot of those things I set out to do. I set out to juggle and now it's December 29 and I most definitely cannot juggle. But here's the thing, maybe I didn't learn to juggle and that's ok. Maybe I learned along the way that juggling wasn't necessarily the best use of my time or energy. That's fine. I am forgiving myself for all my faults and failures thorughout the year and I hope that as the year ends, you all do as well. Don't be Michelle Pfeiffer in New Year's Eve. I did find some things along the way that I am pretty proud of accomplishing and so I'm pleased to present my "Eff Yeah 2012' list.
EFF YEAH 2012
Started a new job
Got promoted at said job (32!)
Ran 4 5ks
Ran a 5k alone (talk about doing uncomfortable shit)
Made about one dozen new pinterest recipes
Went to therapy
Learned to eat sushi with chopsticks
Placed 3rd in Fantasy Football
Had a great Halloween costume for the first time in my adult life
Voted for a winning president (I'm 2/2, thanks Obama!)
I am currently in the processing of dreaming up my 2013 goals and intentions and I'll be sure to share them with you here.
EFF YEAH 2012
Started a new job
Got promoted at said job (32!)
Ran 4 5ks
Ran a 5k alone (talk about doing uncomfortable shit)
Made about one dozen new pinterest recipes
Went to therapy
Learned to eat sushi with chopsticks
Placed 3rd in Fantasy Football
Had a great Halloween costume for the first time in my adult life
Voted for a winning president (I'm 2/2, thanks Obama!)
I am currently in the processing of dreaming up my 2013 goals and intentions and I'll be sure to share them with you here.
Monday, December 3, 2012
The kids don't stand a chance/The kids are all right
I think an important thing to reflect on is where you were and where you are now.
One year ago I was completely miserable at work. To the point it was affecting my personal life and health. I was basically told I wasn't good at my job and was called a bitch almost daily by people. I've blogged about it several times previously so I don't feel the need to go into too much detail here.
Today a customer wrote in that he loved working with me so much that he'd like to take me to dinner. People tell me thank you almost daily. I rarely get yelled at. I feel lucky and blessed beyond all reason. I'm told I do a good job and on Wednesday I'm taking my salary test.
Pretty much a 180 there. And so grateful for it. Thanks 2012 for that.
One year ago I was completely miserable at work. To the point it was affecting my personal life and health. I was basically told I wasn't good at my job and was called a bitch almost daily by people. I've blogged about it several times previously so I don't feel the need to go into too much detail here.
Today a customer wrote in that he loved working with me so much that he'd like to take me to dinner. People tell me thank you almost daily. I rarely get yelled at. I feel lucky and blessed beyond all reason. I'm told I do a good job and on Wednesday I'm taking my salary test.
Pretty much a 180 there. And so grateful for it. Thanks 2012 for that.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Reverb12 Day 1
Holy cow, this is officially my third year of doing Reverb. I'm super sad it's not organized the way it was in 2010 and so far what I've found online for 2012 posts hasn't been super great but I'm going to make it work because I love doing it and I think the idea of reflecting on the year gone by is important.
For day 1 I'm going to do the classic day 1 post. "Pick one word to describe how 2012 went and pick a word to describe how you want 2013 to go. Bonus: Reflect on the word you'd picked to describe 2012."
2012: Nice. "I urge you to please notice when you are happy and exclaim or murmur or think at some point 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" -Kurt Vonnegut
This year was very nice and I was very lucky and things were very lovely. I've come a long way from where I was last year and I feel very good about it. I look back on this year as largely positive and I like it. My word that I'd chosen last year for this year was epic. I'd say I fell largely short of that but not in any sort of way that's left me disappointed.
My word that I've chosen for 2013: Achievement.
For day 1 I'm going to do the classic day 1 post. "Pick one word to describe how 2012 went and pick a word to describe how you want 2013 to go. Bonus: Reflect on the word you'd picked to describe 2012."
2012: Nice. "I urge you to please notice when you are happy and exclaim or murmur or think at some point 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" -Kurt Vonnegut
This year was very nice and I was very lucky and things were very lovely. I've come a long way from where I was last year and I feel very good about it. I look back on this year as largely positive and I like it. My word that I'd chosen last year for this year was epic. I'd say I fell largely short of that but not in any sort of way that's left me disappointed.
My word that I've chosen for 2013: Achievement.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Staycation, all I ever wanted, Staycation gotta get away...?
Ok, you guys, I haven't worked in one week and I don't go back til Monday. I have not left Kansas City in that time, not even for the holiday. So yes, this is a true "Staycation" if there ever was one.
REMIND ME TO NEVER TAKE STAYCATION IN THE WINTER AGAIN, EVER.
Or I might die. I mean sure it's been great not having to go to work but seriously, this is ridiculous. I sleep in the middle of the day or make crazy crockpot recipes that take 8 hours to cook or don't shower for two days or watch entire seasons of tv shows in half a day or don't straighten my hair in 4 days and my great plans are mostly just deciding what time it's acceptable to take my bra off and start drinking and that time is pretty much like 3 pm. (Just kidding, I'm not drunk (yet) and I'm wearing a bra (for now), pinky promise). Also I haven't worn real pants in a solid week.
What do people do all day that don't work? I have no real idea.
Here's a brief rundown of what's going on my life, besides of course this ridiculous staycation:
1) I did all my Christmas shopping from dining room table on Cyber Monday (ASL?) except for my brother & one friend. Quite relieved and impressed with myself.
2) I am starting my mission of doing at least one 5k every month for the next year. In October I did the Color Run-Des Moines and in November I did the Turkey Trot. In December I'm doing the Santa Run & Jingle Bell Run. Right now I'm insanely slow but I'm excited about setting a goal and following through with it and hopefully getting faster.
3) I'm taking a test at work one week from today to increase my salary. It's extremely important and I'm very nervous. Like so nervous I want to throw up just thinking about it. It'll be ok, right?
4) Ok, I'm STILL listening to Mockingjay on audible. STILL. We are going on, what, 8 months? I'm so tired of it. Katniss is always like PEETA, PEETA, GAIL, THE CAPITAL! I'm over it. I have 4 hours left though and I'm finishing it by Monday. Then I'm starting Game of Thrones. Why do I torture myself on Audible?! Anyone have any audiobooks they loved listening to? That didn't have annoying narrators?
5) Wendnesday is my favorite night of television. Law & Order: SVU is so good with that hot new detective I've already forgotten Stabler. Yep, I'm not afraid to say it. And are you watching Chicago Fire? J says I'm Dick Wolf's bitch and it's true. Don't forget Top Chef! At least once during the season someone loses a finger and there are always adorable asian chefs AND last week someone made mashed potatoes that were half butter/half potato. How can you not love it? Plus there's The Middle, Modern Family, Key & Peele. But don't talk to me about Suburgatory. That show is shit and you aren't invited to my wine party if you love it.
xoxo
M
(Don't get cute, you like Gossip Girl too)
REMIND ME TO NEVER TAKE STAYCATION IN THE WINTER AGAIN, EVER.
Or I might die. I mean sure it's been great not having to go to work but seriously, this is ridiculous. I sleep in the middle of the day or make crazy crockpot recipes that take 8 hours to cook or don't shower for two days or watch entire seasons of tv shows in half a day or don't straighten my hair in 4 days and my great plans are mostly just deciding what time it's acceptable to take my bra off and start drinking and that time is pretty much like 3 pm. (Just kidding, I'm not drunk (yet) and I'm wearing a bra (for now), pinky promise). Also I haven't worn real pants in a solid week.
What do people do all day that don't work? I have no real idea.
Here's a brief rundown of what's going on my life, besides of course this ridiculous staycation:
1) I did all my Christmas shopping from dining room table on Cyber Monday (ASL?) except for my brother & one friend. Quite relieved and impressed with myself.
2) I am starting my mission of doing at least one 5k every month for the next year. In October I did the Color Run-Des Moines and in November I did the Turkey Trot. In December I'm doing the Santa Run & Jingle Bell Run. Right now I'm insanely slow but I'm excited about setting a goal and following through with it and hopefully getting faster.
3) I'm taking a test at work one week from today to increase my salary. It's extremely important and I'm very nervous. Like so nervous I want to throw up just thinking about it. It'll be ok, right?
4) Ok, I'm STILL listening to Mockingjay on audible. STILL. We are going on, what, 8 months? I'm so tired of it. Katniss is always like PEETA, PEETA, GAIL, THE CAPITAL! I'm over it. I have 4 hours left though and I'm finishing it by Monday. Then I'm starting Game of Thrones. Why do I torture myself on Audible?! Anyone have any audiobooks they loved listening to? That didn't have annoying narrators?
5) Wendnesday is my favorite night of television. Law & Order: SVU is so good with that hot new detective I've already forgotten Stabler. Yep, I'm not afraid to say it. And are you watching Chicago Fire? J says I'm Dick Wolf's bitch and it's true. Don't forget Top Chef! At least once during the season someone loses a finger and there are always adorable asian chefs AND last week someone made mashed potatoes that were half butter/half potato. How can you not love it? Plus there's The Middle, Modern Family, Key & Peele. But don't talk to me about Suburgatory. That show is shit and you aren't invited to my wine party if you love it.
xoxo
M
(Don't get cute, you like Gossip Girl too)
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