Ordinary Sparkling MomentsReflect on the ordinary moments that bring you joy (e.g., the tea pot whistling, the sun setting). What moments would you like to relish in the coming year?
My cat curling up on me and purring after a long day.
Rainy days when I have nothing to do but watch a TV marathon.
The sound of my friends laughter particularly over a few bottles of wine and a plate of cheese.
Cards from my mother.
When the song I've been wanting to hear comes on the radio.
Thursday nights when we're all making dinner in the kitchen, drinking, getting ready for good tv night, making jokes, arguing about fantasy football.
Sunday nights when all my teams have won and I'm ready for a warm bath and wine and The Walking Dead.
Moments when I look at J and can't believe how fucking lucky I am.
The beep beep my work phone makes when I clock out at the end of the day.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Reverb11 Achieve Day 13
Achieve: What do you hope to achieve next year? If you participated in Reverb10, did you achieve the things you wrote about last year? How did you accomplish that?
In 2012 I want to:
Run a 5k in less than 3o minutes
Juggle
Use chopsticks
Become a SG32 in Property
Complete No Drink January (minus MLK weekend)
Last year I only named 2 actual things I wanted to do: run a 10k & infuse my own vodka. I didn't do either of those. Right? That's how lame I was in 2011.
In 2012 I want to:
Run a 5k in less than 3o minutes
Juggle
Use chopsticks
Become a SG32 in Property
Complete No Drink January (minus MLK weekend)
Last year I only named 2 actual things I wanted to do: run a 10k & infuse my own vodka. I didn't do either of those. Right? That's how lame I was in 2011.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
It was February 18, 2010...
I only know the exact date because I remember the new episode of Grey's Anatomy that premiered that Thursday. It was my first trip to the city on my own, it was for a job test. The test was at 8 am that Friday. I took Friday off work and drove down that Thursday night. I was too scared to ask him to stay at his apartment. So I got a hotel room. When I checked in I got coupons for free drinks at the hotel bar. I found a way to make it from the hotel to the mall. I didn't know the area at all. And now, now it's so funny. I work just a few miles from there. I drove that road every day for a year. You texted me "why did you get a hotel? why didn't you just stay here?" I told you to join me at the hotel. A pool, a bar, a big bed...what's not to get excited about?
You told me you couldn't, that you didn't have time. I should have realized then, in that moment. Instead of waiting it out another year. But I'm dumb and that's another story. So I went to the bar. I ate pasta and drank vodka tonic after vodka tonic. I felt fancy, drinking alone at a hotel bar. Almost poetic, in some way. I went back upstairs and sat in my empty hotel room and watched that episode. It was a flashback episode ironically.
It snowed the next morning. It snowed so badly that the normal hour and thirty minute drive took three hours. It was painful and terrible. And I remember the relief of getting home. Parking my car and walking inside and knowing I made it. That there was a big girl life out there for me and I'd find it and live and survive and do all the things.
It's these moments that come up, every now and then. And I remember this life that feels like a lifetime ago, even though it wasn't. And it's random moments like these that leave me with the most vivid memories.
You told me you couldn't, that you didn't have time. I should have realized then, in that moment. Instead of waiting it out another year. But I'm dumb and that's another story. So I went to the bar. I ate pasta and drank vodka tonic after vodka tonic. I felt fancy, drinking alone at a hotel bar. Almost poetic, in some way. I went back upstairs and sat in my empty hotel room and watched that episode. It was a flashback episode ironically.
It snowed the next morning. It snowed so badly that the normal hour and thirty minute drive took three hours. It was painful and terrible. And I remember the relief of getting home. Parking my car and walking inside and knowing I made it. That there was a big girl life out there for me and I'd find it and live and survive and do all the things.
It's these moments that come up, every now and then. And I remember this life that feels like a lifetime ago, even though it wasn't. And it's random moments like these that leave me with the most vivid memories.
Friday, December 9, 2011
#Reverb11 Day 6
(I'm doing #reverb11 prompts from several different #reverb11 sites, just picking my favorites.)
Prompt 6: Things: Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…what were your favorite things that you discovered this year?
Here are my five new favorite things of 2011.
Why yes, I would like a whole case of two buck chuck for Christmas.
I've lost hours of my life picking out vacations I'll never take, food I'll never make, and outfits I'll never put together. It sounds lame now that I type it out, but you NEED to be on it.
Massages. No more needs to be said.
Leinenkugel Fireside Nut Brown
I know, I hate zombies. But this show is soooo good.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
#Reverb11 5
The Fifth Prompt: Describe 5 guilty pleasures aka 5 things I love that you probably don't or I probably shouldn't.
1) Leggings as pants. I know, I know. The horror. And the terribleness. But do you fucking know how comfortable I am as I sit there in my boots and side pony tail (see runners up) during the day? It's seriously amazing and I am going to keep on doing in 2012. And I don't care what you think they make my ass look like. In fact, you should probably buy me more tops I can wear over my leggings for Christmas. K, thanx.
2) Mr Riggins, my cat. He is named after either Tim Riggins (FNL) or John Riggins (Redskins), whichever makes you think I'm cooler. He is an asshole. And really fat. But wow, he's great at cuddling and making me feel awesome.
3) Fantasy football/The League. "Hey, man, you all just back off, all of you. I've worked really hard this year to put together an amazing team. I have studied the waiver wire; I know all the sleepers; I have done the bye-week plug-ins—I have done it all. And all I want to do is watch the game and find out how my team does."
4) Boxed wine. Oh yeah, boxowine. In the tub, on the couch, in a cup, by the pool, in the car, during all the TV shows, during the holidays (all of them), & uh pretty much any other time I want to be unclassy and drunk.
5) The Town. I have watched this movie two dozen or so times since January and it doesn't get old. "I just want you to know it's going to be me who tells you to fuck yourself."
Runners up: bacon and side ponytails.
1) Leggings as pants. I know, I know. The horror. And the terribleness. But do you fucking know how comfortable I am as I sit there in my boots and side pony tail (see runners up) during the day? It's seriously amazing and I am going to keep on doing in 2012. And I don't care what you think they make my ass look like. In fact, you should probably buy me more tops I can wear over my leggings for Christmas. K, thanx.
2) Mr Riggins, my cat. He is named after either Tim Riggins (FNL) or John Riggins (Redskins), whichever makes you think I'm cooler. He is an asshole. And really fat. But wow, he's great at cuddling and making me feel awesome.
3) Fantasy football/The League. "Hey, man, you all just back off, all of you. I've worked really hard this year to put together an amazing team. I have studied the waiver wire; I know all the sleepers; I have done the bye-week plug-ins—I have done it all. And all I want to do is watch the game and find out how my team does."
4) Boxed wine. Oh yeah, boxowine. In the tub, on the couch, in a cup, by the pool, in the car, during all the TV shows, during the holidays (all of them), & uh pretty much any other time I want to be unclassy and drunk.
5) The Town. I have watched this movie two dozen or so times since January and it doesn't get old. "I just want you to know it's going to be me who tells you to fuck yourself."
Runners up: bacon and side ponytails.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
#REVERB 11 Day 3
Prompt 3: As you reflect back on the happenings of 2011, what were your high points and what were your low points? What do you notice as you look back on the year as a whole?
The Lows
There was this day back in early spring, late winter...when my sister called me from the hospital (I blogged about it so you can look it up if you want the whole story) but I was up all night because my bedroom flooded. My nightstand and pillows were ruined, just water everywhere coming through the floor. And my toilet was running. And I was just sitting there and felt like my life was up in a mess and I had nobody that I could call, no place to go, no comfort.
And this other day when I found out he had a girlfriend. But not from him telling me. And I sat in the bathtub all day convincing myself I was fine, convincing myself I knew it was coming, convincing myself I wasn't crushed.
And the worst & lowest of all the days was this first week of May. An ordinary day when I thought I was going to lose my job. That I'd be poor and homeless and have no job and no friends and no hope. I was sick to my stomach that whole week. It was a desperation I'd never felt before.
The Highs
End of July, I got my MBA. I'd worked so long and so hard for it. Two and a half years, $20,000, and a whole fucking lot of heart. Suck it accounting because I've got a masters degree.
This Thursday a few weeks ago when I finally go the call that I got the job I wanted. I haven't started it yet, but god damn, I am counting the days. I felt like the entire weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. That I finally, finally fucking did it.
And then him.
Year as a Whole
I realize I'm really lucky or really awesome. Maybe both.
The Lows
There was this day back in early spring, late winter...when my sister called me from the hospital (I blogged about it so you can look it up if you want the whole story) but I was up all night because my bedroom flooded. My nightstand and pillows were ruined, just water everywhere coming through the floor. And my toilet was running. And I was just sitting there and felt like my life was up in a mess and I had nobody that I could call, no place to go, no comfort.
And this other day when I found out he had a girlfriend. But not from him telling me. And I sat in the bathtub all day convincing myself I was fine, convincing myself I knew it was coming, convincing myself I wasn't crushed.
And the worst & lowest of all the days was this first week of May. An ordinary day when I thought I was going to lose my job. That I'd be poor and homeless and have no job and no friends and no hope. I was sick to my stomach that whole week. It was a desperation I'd never felt before.
The Highs
End of July, I got my MBA. I'd worked so long and so hard for it. Two and a half years, $20,000, and a whole fucking lot of heart. Suck it accounting because I've got a masters degree.
This Thursday a few weeks ago when I finally go the call that I got the job I wanted. I haven't started it yet, but god damn, I am counting the days. I felt like the entire weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. That I finally, finally fucking did it.
And then him.
Year as a Whole
I realize I'm really lucky or really awesome. Maybe both.
Friday, December 2, 2011
It's December? Time to #Reverb11
Can you believe it's that time again? I certainly can't. Didn't we just #reverb10?Day 1 - One Word. Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you? If you did Reverb10 then bonus points for also re-posting your 2011 word from last year along with how you feel about that in retrospect.
After long contemplation, my word for this year is:
Awe. Just complete fucking awe. Up and down, over and over. I don't know, but I sit here this December in complete and total awe.
In 2012 I want my word to be epic. I want to do epic shit.
And my favorite part, last year my word I wanted for 2011 was love. I've some pretty awesome people in my life who I love with all my heart. And I found a guy who'd rather sleep on a wet a towel than let me sleep on the floor.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Sugar says it's all about gratitude
I am grateful life beat me into submission, because that’s how I learned to fight with compassion instead of fury. I’m not broken, I’m bendable, and I can survive anything. Damaged goods are the best kind there are.
I don’t know what all I think about god but I think that music and good books and whatever it is that makes me feel like I’m part of something wonderful is sort of like whispers from god and I’m grateful for all of that.
I'm grateful that as life unfolds it has only got better. Not easier, but steadily more complex, difficult, interesting, meaningful and challenging. And most of all that I have been lucky enough to discover depths and layers of love I’d never even imagined, love that almost hurts.
I am grateful for how much I have fucked up. Before I fucked up, I thought I was a good person. I thought I was noble and pure. But over the course of years I fucked up. I mistook codependence for partnership. I mistook my craving to be needed and loved for altruism. I mistook the dependence I created in others for strength shared. I mistook my distance and withholding for self-sufficiency. But I fucked up, and I learned. Failure keeps me from the corrosive trap of certainty, and I am grateful for it.
I am most grateful for having the most amazing woman to be my mother. She is amazing and strong. I never had a moment when I doubted that I am loved by her and for that I am grateful.
I am grateful for my sister. My best friend. I am especially grateful for the strength she has been blessed with and the ability to find faith in herself that we all lose at times. I couldn’t be more proud of her.
And gratitude for my cat, who reminds me that laughter and naps, no matter how cliché, are still the best medicine.
I am grateful for experience itself, because it teaches two seemingly contradictory things. That I am vulnerable and fragile. That I am strong. Most of all, I am grateful for small voices that speak out into nights blanketed in darkness and say: you are enough, your life is enough, this world is enough, this moment is enough.
I am grateful for my friends, who are courageous and honest and loyal. I don’t think I could’ve wished for better ones. I am grateful for him and it just blows my mind, incredibly. I’m so thankful. For going against the crowd. For inspiration. For true emotion. For literature. For food. For simple things. For joy. For happily ever afters. For love. For life.
I’m thankful for laughter, the kind that makes your face hurt because it’s so true and full of joy. It’s honest.
I’m grateful that despite how ugly things get in this world, things have never gotten ugly enough to rob humanity of its spirit and its unflagging belief that we have it in us to be better.
In short: I’m grateful to feel grateful.
I don’t know what all I think about god but I think that music and good books and whatever it is that makes me feel like I’m part of something wonderful is sort of like whispers from god and I’m grateful for all of that.
I'm grateful that as life unfolds it has only got better. Not easier, but steadily more complex, difficult, interesting, meaningful and challenging. And most of all that I have been lucky enough to discover depths and layers of love I’d never even imagined, love that almost hurts.
I am grateful for how much I have fucked up. Before I fucked up, I thought I was a good person. I thought I was noble and pure. But over the course of years I fucked up. I mistook codependence for partnership. I mistook my craving to be needed and loved for altruism. I mistook the dependence I created in others for strength shared. I mistook my distance and withholding for self-sufficiency. But I fucked up, and I learned. Failure keeps me from the corrosive trap of certainty, and I am grateful for it.
I am most grateful for having the most amazing woman to be my mother. She is amazing and strong. I never had a moment when I doubted that I am loved by her and for that I am grateful.
I am grateful for my sister. My best friend. I am especially grateful for the strength she has been blessed with and the ability to find faith in herself that we all lose at times. I couldn’t be more proud of her.
And gratitude for my cat, who reminds me that laughter and naps, no matter how cliché, are still the best medicine.
I am grateful for experience itself, because it teaches two seemingly contradictory things. That I am vulnerable and fragile. That I am strong. Most of all, I am grateful for small voices that speak out into nights blanketed in darkness and say: you are enough, your life is enough, this world is enough, this moment is enough.
I am grateful for my friends, who are courageous and honest and loyal. I don’t think I could’ve wished for better ones. I am grateful for him and it just blows my mind, incredibly. I’m so thankful. For going against the crowd. For inspiration. For true emotion. For literature. For food. For simple things. For joy. For happily ever afters. For love. For life.
I’m thankful for laughter, the kind that makes your face hurt because it’s so true and full of joy. It’s honest.
I’m grateful that despite how ugly things get in this world, things have never gotten ugly enough to rob humanity of its spirit and its unflagging belief that we have it in us to be better.
In short: I’m grateful to feel grateful.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Reach down your pocket/Pull out some hope for me
Oh, The Town.
"When someone endures an experience like this there are residual effects. You're going to be ok."
Am I? Because damn. But I hope, hope, hope. Please, pretty, please.
I'm begging, but please.
"When someone endures an experience like this there are residual effects. You're going to be ok."
Am I? Because damn. But I hope, hope, hope. Please, pretty, please.
I'm begging, but please.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Love of mine, someday you will die
We weren't meant to do this life alone, that's for sure.
It's easy to say you hate people, you hate everyone and that you want to spend the evening alone. In real life though, things are better with others. Lazy football sundays, concerts, and times when your car breaks down after a shitty day at work are all times when you need someone else. Those things aren't ok without someone else there. And that's ok.
It's totally ok to not want to be alone and to quit wanting what you don't really want.
It's nothing to cry about...
It's easy to say you hate people, you hate everyone and that you want to spend the evening alone. In real life though, things are better with others. Lazy football sundays, concerts, and times when your car breaks down after a shitty day at work are all times when you need someone else. Those things aren't ok without someone else there. And that's ok.
It's totally ok to not want to be alone and to quit wanting what you don't really want.
It's nothing to cry about...
Monday, August 1, 2011
I've got the movies like Jagger aka that time I got my MBA on summer vacation
I have had the last 5 days off work. I originally had 4 but then someone told me I was a lazy bitch so I took 5. Here’s the short version of what I did with time off: massage, shopping at the mall, pool, drinking, sex, study for final, lunch with friend, pool party, take final exam, obtain MBA, drinking, family visits, movie, Trader Joe’s, shopping, pool, lunch with coworkers, laundry, pool, drinks with bff, sex, Mad Men on Netflix Instant, sleep in the rain, lots of wine, pintrest, visit from out of town friend, day drinking, night drinking, dance party, too many text messages, Shark Week, and made amazing macaroni and cheese with pancetta by grating real cheese.
Life was amaze balls this week. Someone told me that I seem so happy.
So this.
Life was amaze balls this week. Someone told me that I seem so happy.
So this.
Shark baby!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
And she swears there's nothing wrong
Here's sort of what my day is like:
8:50 AM: Roll into work
9:00 AM: Meeting with manager, suggest I want a new job, sad moment-Titanic Music
9:30 AM: Complain to @xCarling, Make one phone call returning one of 13 voicemails, stare at email, stare at claims screen, check career website, instant message coworkers
10:00 AM: Team Meeting, we write nice things about each other on paper. I'm told I "know how to work the system and am really FUN!" I feel disappointed.
11:00 AM: A customer is sad and getting dicked over. I feel bad and spend the next hour making it right. Some douche calls me and I get snotty.
11:30 PM: Send bitchy email for people to give me money for baby shower gift due a week ago
12:00 NOON Lunch at Panera with coworker. complain a lot. suggest new position in same company will solve all problems.
1:00 PM: Decide to get it together, work hard, make lots of calls. Suprisingly, don't get called a bitch.
1:30 PM: Continue trying to be bff with new cube mate. I ask how he's doing, he makes a motion of climbing up a ladder. I don't have the heart to tell him there's no end.
2:00 PM: Try to figure when the afternoon meeting is
2:30 PM: Meeting is now
3:00 PM: Instant message @xCarling, tell her about said meetings, complain about how much work I have to do.
3:30 PM: Listen to 16 voicemails
4:00 PM: Call Danielle & Trudy. They are cranky.
4:15 PM: Call Ty & Pam. They are crazy and loud. I get snotty. They are lying to me.
4:30 PM: Calculate how late I stay at work for the day
5:00 PM: Work on behavior review to convince management I'm awesome.
5:30 PM: Chat with coworker, agree that new positions would be way better.
5:36 PM: Give up and leave
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
America: The Story of Us & Booze: The Story of What I Drank While Watching
Episode 11: Superpower
They build the interstate. Sometimes I could walk home faster than the traffic on the interstate moves. Bill Maher says this means nothing can stop you from doing what you want. Every day I drive on I-35 southbound I want to blow right past my work exit and drive until I reach Texas. But I can't because I can't do whatever I want. This is probably the most important lesson to learn in your early 20s.
They develop the suburbs. Some major says "at the end of the day I want to go home and drink a beer and watch football and bbq in my backyard and celebrate the 4th of July." That's really what I want from my life too.
Segregation happens. And then it doesn't. I think of Remember the Titans.
Sort of confused on why we aren't talking about JFK or MLK.
I drank a lot of vodka & wine in this episode.
They build the interstate. Sometimes I could walk home faster than the traffic on the interstate moves. Bill Maher says this means nothing can stop you from doing what you want. Every day I drive on I-35 southbound I want to blow right past my work exit and drive until I reach Texas. But I can't because I can't do whatever I want. This is probably the most important lesson to learn in your early 20s.
They develop the suburbs. Some major says "at the end of the day I want to go home and drink a beer and watch football and bbq in my backyard and celebrate the 4th of July." That's really what I want from my life too.
Segregation happens. And then it doesn't. I think of Remember the Titans.
Sort of confused on why we aren't talking about JFK or MLK.
I drank a lot of vodka & wine in this episode.
Monday, June 13, 2011
America: The Story of Us & Booze: The Story of What I Drank While Watching Part Three
Episode Ten: World War Two
Pearl Harbor. Not the movie with Ben Affleck & Josh Hartnett (Wasn't Kate so lucky?) But in real life we are all "Fuck the Japanese!" Except here it's not funny. Because it's closer to home. Pearl Harbor hit hard. And D-Day happened. Women were awesome and worked hard. Shit wasn't easy. And there aren't really any jokes to make. My mom took me to see Saving Private Ryan when I was 10. My mom made me close my eyes for the first 10 minutes. Oh also, I'm drinking Riesling.
Atomic Bomb.
The Japanese surrender. Do you think in Japan they have movies like "Hiroshima" that involve asian Ben Affleck and a love triangle? It's an interesting thought. This show skips right over any ethical dilemma about dropping BOTH bombs and moves right on into us celebrating and the war ending with us making more money and of course, the baby boom. Sure we became a superpower, but at what cost?
Sunday, June 12, 2011
America: The Story of Us & Booze: The Story of What I Drank While Watching (Part Dos)
We're still going on this nonsense journey.
Episode Eight: Boom
America finds oil. And we all know, oil=awesomeoness=$$$. America basically gets rich and wants to party. Just like I'm finishing up a glass of vodka & diet dr pepper. Henry Ford makes some cars. People yell "woah!" instead of mother fucking braking, thus inventing the car accident, and making my current life both possible & shitty. Thanks H.F., this one is for you (finish vodka, pour Riesling)! People now have money & time, so what are they going to do? Drink. But America says fuck that. Prohibition time. Drinking is not ok. People say fuck that, I'll hide it in my car. This is the same logic I applied when I was in high school. I got an MIP. People in the 20's got arrested. But people back then were more bad ass about it. They got guns and started shooting shit up. The goverment solidified its place as worthless because because people are getting shot up in the streets and they can't do anything but investigate tax invasion. It's like now when people are murderers but all they do is search for people not wearing seatbelts. Anyway, insert shit on Al Capone here. I want to be like "America, listen up, shit's about to get real up in here for the next 20 some years so you should probably have a keg party right about now." At least they repealed prohibition. As Bill Maher says, "People NEED a drink."
Right about here I got pissed we didn't talk about Titanic but in reality, it makes sense. I mean, that boat didn't make it to America. (You can take an extra drink here for Jack).
Episode Nine: Bust
I fucking told you shit's about to get real. Let's get another glass of wine for this one. We've got Tom motherfucking Brokaw talking about savings. The Bank=Mr. Potter in "It's a Wonderful Life." The Hoover Dam is brilliant apparently. I've never seen it. Tom Brokaw says the damn is the shit. I say "I miss Peter Jennings." Las Vegas becomes awesome. At this point, I'm kind of concerned about America as a whole. Basically the past 50 years all we've had to talk about is partying. Not that it's a bad thing, but when we want to talk about why we have crazy troubles, I want us to remember this. 1934=The environment goes to shit=awesome CGI. But basically, this means we are fucked. Then hints of news internationally "will change America forever." We say fuck that shit and build Mt. Rushmore. Tom Brokaw says it's a statment. I say pour me another glass of wine because we've got a triple crisis happening and we are ignoring all of it. In case you aren't paying attention, we've got depression, dust, & potential war. FYI: In 30,000 years Mt. Rushmore will be just rocks due to weathering.
I'm like wtf, what about World War I? But oh yeah, we weren't even in that War. We were partying.
Rev. Al Sharpton thinks we are missing the most important event of the depression decade. He says it's Joe Louis vs. Schmeling. It's confusing because at this point in history America doesn't give black people any rights and they hate Germany so I don't know, but we are still like "Fuck yeah! Beat his face!"
Episode Eight: Boom
America finds oil. And we all know, oil=awesomeoness=$$$. America basically gets rich and wants to party. Just like I'm finishing up a glass of vodka & diet dr pepper. Henry Ford makes some cars. People yell "woah!" instead of mother fucking braking, thus inventing the car accident, and making my current life both possible & shitty. Thanks H.F., this one is for you (finish vodka, pour Riesling)! People now have money & time, so what are they going to do? Drink. But America says fuck that. Prohibition time. Drinking is not ok. People say fuck that, I'll hide it in my car. This is the same logic I applied when I was in high school. I got an MIP. People in the 20's got arrested. But people back then were more bad ass about it. They got guns and started shooting shit up. The goverment solidified its place as worthless because because people are getting shot up in the streets and they can't do anything but investigate tax invasion. It's like now when people are murderers but all they do is search for people not wearing seatbelts. Anyway, insert shit on Al Capone here. I want to be like "America, listen up, shit's about to get real up in here for the next 20 some years so you should probably have a keg party right about now." At least they repealed prohibition. As Bill Maher says, "People NEED a drink."
Right about here I got pissed we didn't talk about Titanic but in reality, it makes sense. I mean, that boat didn't make it to America. (You can take an extra drink here for Jack).
Episode Nine: Bust
I fucking told you shit's about to get real. Let's get another glass of wine for this one. We've got Tom motherfucking Brokaw talking about savings. The Bank=Mr. Potter in "It's a Wonderful Life." The Hoover Dam is brilliant apparently. I've never seen it. Tom Brokaw says the damn is the shit. I say "I miss Peter Jennings." Las Vegas becomes awesome. At this point, I'm kind of concerned about America as a whole. Basically the past 50 years all we've had to talk about is partying. Not that it's a bad thing, but when we want to talk about why we have crazy troubles, I want us to remember this. 1934=The environment goes to shit=awesome CGI. But basically, this means we are fucked. Then hints of news internationally "will change America forever." We say fuck that shit and build Mt. Rushmore. Tom Brokaw says it's a statment. I say pour me another glass of wine because we've got a triple crisis happening and we are ignoring all of it. In case you aren't paying attention, we've got depression, dust, & potential war. FYI: In 30,000 years Mt. Rushmore will be just rocks due to weathering.
I'm like wtf, what about World War I? But oh yeah, we weren't even in that War. We were partying.
Rev. Al Sharpton thinks we are missing the most important event of the depression decade. He says it's Joe Louis vs. Schmeling. It's confusing because at this point in history America doesn't give black people any rights and they hate Germany so I don't know, but we are still like "Fuck yeah! Beat his face!"
America: The Story of Us & Booze: The Story of What I Drank While Watching
I decided to watch America: The Story of Us on Netflix Instant while drinking. Carling, who you can follow at @xCarling, suggested I blog about it. We always have the best ideas.
(please note that I did not watch all these episodes back to back, nor did I die of alcohol poisoning)
Episode One: Rebels
I'm immediately engrossed. Awesome computer graphics, mentions of Pocahontas, and I'm a couple glasses of Shiraz in. Also we find the deep seeded roots of America fucking over other ethnicities for profit. But more so, there's the thinking that that's patriotic. So I'm all "Fuck yeah, grow that tobacco wherever you want! Fuck those people who owned this land first! Also, more Shiraz!"
Episode Two: Revolution
Taxes? Being bossy? Eh, we're over it. "Fuck England! Fuck taxes! Fuck this tea! More Shiraz!" Also, George Washington is a baller. He totally rocks out Valley Forge in the winter. Did you know he basically started mainstreaming vaccinations but in a totally gross way that involves chopping off someone's smallpox and rubbing it in your battle wound? Gross, but genius. This is how he won. I mean, he won because he's a genius, not because he's gross. He also wore cool hats.
Episode Three: Westward
Oregon Trail. Sorry you are about to lose the next like 15 hours of your life playing that game. But it's basically this. Also, this cute little husband and wife had a baby in a wagon. But then the next day 5 feet of snow fell and the husband had to eat the baby and wife. They don't have that option on the game. Also gold & The Alamo. And Shiraz.
Episode Four: Division
Did you know slavery was on the decline in the south before the cotton gin? After the cotton gin the south become Gone With the Wind (part 1). Abe Lincoln kept a file in his desk called "Assasination" before he was even elected. Also whales played a huge role in our country. The same way Shiraz is playing a role in my life.
Episode Five: Civil War
You know this one. North vs. South. Turns out Abe Lincoln knows how to be a baller and use the railroad. Lots of blood & death. Also a lot of opportunity to say phrases like "a country divided" and "brother against brother." Abe & the north win out. Sheryl Crow calls this "a dark spot in our history." Clearly, nobody was soaking up the sun here. Think of this as Gone With the Wind part 2. Also I'm drinking Riesling now.
Episode Six: Heartland
As soon as the title comes up, I push pause and play George Strait's "Heartland." I pour another glass of Riesling. I finish it while singing to my cat "Sing a song about the heartland, sing a song about my life." Then I pour a glass of vodka and sit the fuck down. This is basically Little House on the Prairie. There was a scary tornado scene & a lot of bison. Also, sod houses. (We also glaze over the fact that at this point we are totally fucking over the Native Americans. We're getting less excited about fucking other people over. It's just not PC. See also Custer's Last Stand.)
At this point we've got some common themes. The narrator enjoys saying things about change such as "America was changed forever" and "This changed everything."
Episode Seven: Cities
People realize the country kind of sucks. You know, with the Native Americans & having to do everything themselves. So they decided to fuck the Heartland, build some tall ass buildings, and find ways to get Chinese food at 3 am. (Just kidding about the last part, that's later.) Anyway, they build some tall buildings and then of course decide to be criminals. This is how mug shots got invented. Also there was a bitching fire in which a bunch of people died. I went to get more vodka & popcorn and when I came back some guys in white suits were sweeping shit off the streets. They said stuff got sanitary. Also, it took 25 years for the Statue of Liberty to turn green. That's an awesome fact. You are welcome.
I think we are missing some big times here. When did stuff like phones & electricity happen? We're sort of skimming over some big events for the sake of minor stuff like bad weather & sod houses. But whatevs, I didn't make America.
Who wants another glass?
(please note that I did not watch all these episodes back to back, nor did I die of alcohol poisoning)
Episode One: Rebels
I'm immediately engrossed. Awesome computer graphics, mentions of Pocahontas, and I'm a couple glasses of Shiraz in. Also we find the deep seeded roots of America fucking over other ethnicities for profit. But more so, there's the thinking that that's patriotic. So I'm all "Fuck yeah, grow that tobacco wherever you want! Fuck those people who owned this land first! Also, more Shiraz!"
Episode Two: Revolution
Taxes? Being bossy? Eh, we're over it. "Fuck England! Fuck taxes! Fuck this tea! More Shiraz!" Also, George Washington is a baller. He totally rocks out Valley Forge in the winter. Did you know he basically started mainstreaming vaccinations but in a totally gross way that involves chopping off someone's smallpox and rubbing it in your battle wound? Gross, but genius. This is how he won. I mean, he won because he's a genius, not because he's gross. He also wore cool hats.
Episode Three: Westward
Oregon Trail. Sorry you are about to lose the next like 15 hours of your life playing that game. But it's basically this. Also, this cute little husband and wife had a baby in a wagon. But then the next day 5 feet of snow fell and the husband had to eat the baby and wife. They don't have that option on the game. Also gold & The Alamo. And Shiraz.
Episode Four: Division
Did you know slavery was on the decline in the south before the cotton gin? After the cotton gin the south become Gone With the Wind (part 1). Abe Lincoln kept a file in his desk called "Assasination" before he was even elected. Also whales played a huge role in our country. The same way Shiraz is playing a role in my life.
Episode Five: Civil War
You know this one. North vs. South. Turns out Abe Lincoln knows how to be a baller and use the railroad. Lots of blood & death. Also a lot of opportunity to say phrases like "a country divided" and "brother against brother." Abe & the north win out. Sheryl Crow calls this "a dark spot in our history." Clearly, nobody was soaking up the sun here. Think of this as Gone With the Wind part 2. Also I'm drinking Riesling now.
Episode Six: Heartland
As soon as the title comes up, I push pause and play George Strait's "Heartland." I pour another glass of Riesling. I finish it while singing to my cat "Sing a song about the heartland, sing a song about my life." Then I pour a glass of vodka and sit the fuck down. This is basically Little House on the Prairie. There was a scary tornado scene & a lot of bison. Also, sod houses. (We also glaze over the fact that at this point we are totally fucking over the Native Americans. We're getting less excited about fucking other people over. It's just not PC. See also Custer's Last Stand.)
At this point we've got some common themes. The narrator enjoys saying things about change such as "America was changed forever" and "This changed everything."
Episode Seven: Cities
People realize the country kind of sucks. You know, with the Native Americans & having to do everything themselves. So they decided to fuck the Heartland, build some tall ass buildings, and find ways to get Chinese food at 3 am. (Just kidding about the last part, that's later.) Anyway, they build some tall buildings and then of course decide to be criminals. This is how mug shots got invented. Also there was a bitching fire in which a bunch of people died. I went to get more vodka & popcorn and when I came back some guys in white suits were sweeping shit off the streets. They said stuff got sanitary. Also, it took 25 years for the Statue of Liberty to turn green. That's an awesome fact. You are welcome.
I think we are missing some big times here. When did stuff like phones & electricity happen? We're sort of skimming over some big events for the sake of minor stuff like bad weather & sod houses. But whatevs, I didn't make America.
Who wants another glass?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The ties that bind
I didn't go to see the city I went to see it around you.
And that's so true. I was looking for happiness more than a tourist shot. I wanted to figure this out. All of it. Instead we watched too many episodes of Intervention and I've never felt so much anxiety. But then too much time passes and now I feel awkward and sad and have no idea how you, or your new girlfriend, feel. I look back on that time with fondness and often wonder how that all happened. It's a good story, well, for everyone but me.
In unrelated news, this weekend was hard. I'll probably never forget that 6 a.m. text that said "please call me, i need help." My phone was on vibrate but woke me up, of course I called immediately. "I'm in the hospital and I don't know how I got here or what happened." Panic set in and then relief, simply because you were ok enough to make a phone call. And as the day went on and the details unfolded, I felt every emotion a big sister could feel. I was angry at how high your BAC was & how you went to a frat party with idiot girls. I was furious at whatever frat douche canoe asshole decided to slip GHB into your drink. It broke my heart when I had to ask if you'd been raped. I laid there in my bedroom, which had flooded last night and kept me up until 2 a.m., so thankful you were fine but so disheartened of what happened. I wanted you to be 3 years old again and take your hand because you were too scared of the slide. But now I'm hundreds of miles away and begging you to call our mom. And as much as I want to be angry, so angry at you. I can't be. The things I see in you that I'm most angry at, those are things I see in myself. I never ended up in a hospital, but I sure had my own nights that led to mornings of how the hell did I get here? But, damn. I couldn't imagine. I still can't. But the relief, the relief that you are okay.
And that's so true. I was looking for happiness more than a tourist shot. I wanted to figure this out. All of it. Instead we watched too many episodes of Intervention and I've never felt so much anxiety. But then too much time passes and now I feel awkward and sad and have no idea how you, or your new girlfriend, feel. I look back on that time with fondness and often wonder how that all happened. It's a good story, well, for everyone but me.
In unrelated news, this weekend was hard. I'll probably never forget that 6 a.m. text that said "please call me, i need help." My phone was on vibrate but woke me up, of course I called immediately. "I'm in the hospital and I don't know how I got here or what happened." Panic set in and then relief, simply because you were ok enough to make a phone call. And as the day went on and the details unfolded, I felt every emotion a big sister could feel. I was angry at how high your BAC was & how you went to a frat party with idiot girls. I was furious at whatever frat douche canoe asshole decided to slip GHB into your drink. It broke my heart when I had to ask if you'd been raped. I laid there in my bedroom, which had flooded last night and kept me up until 2 a.m., so thankful you were fine but so disheartened of what happened. I wanted you to be 3 years old again and take your hand because you were too scared of the slide. But now I'm hundreds of miles away and begging you to call our mom. And as much as I want to be angry, so angry at you. I can't be. The things I see in you that I'm most angry at, those are things I see in myself. I never ended up in a hospital, but I sure had my own nights that led to mornings of how the hell did I get here? But, damn. I couldn't imagine. I still can't. But the relief, the relief that you are okay.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Opposite of the Chyrsler 200 Commercial
My job is hard. Not in the way that the actual act of doing the job is hard, because it's not. It's not at all. You drove drunk and sideswiped a car, you are at fault. Your car was hit while parked, you aren't at fault. Simple. It's being busy because all the time because people are awful drivers. It's being called a blind jackass or a worthless bitch by the driver of that 1999 Dodge Neon who didn't call the police after an accident or carry collision coverage. For the former, I'm just tired. Tired of working 7 am until 6 pm. Tired of working Saturday, the best of all the days. For the latter, I'm sad. I just don't like being yelled at. I don't want to be called those names and screamed at and hung up on. I'm just a girl in a cube in Kansas working long days. The days, the weeks, the months, they blend. I don't know if it's February and we're working on your 2002 Honda Civic rear ending or if it's April and we're talking about your 2004 Ford Focus failure to yield.
P.S. Mazdas & Pontiacs are rarely in my wrecks.
P.S. Mazdas & Pontiacs are rarely in my wrecks.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Bullshit Monday
Find yourself one day unexplainably really happy – but not extremely happy, and find yourself one day unexplainably really fucking depressed, but not that fucking depressed. In turn, just find everything completely predictable and safe – nothing can happen outside the structure you’ve come to understand, and let this depress you greatly, and let it be the source of your motivation and happiness. @thoughtcatalog
To me, this is life.
To me, this is life.
Friday, February 18, 2011
I'm not meant for you and you're not meant for me
Tomorrow night I have a first date. But tonight I'm crying. For some reason, Facebook sent me our message history. Messages from 5 years ago. Back in 2006 when you had an ex-girlfriend you desperately wanted back and I wanted to start something with someone new. 5 years later and those people still fuck us up. 5 years and we're still talking.
My friends won't listen anymore. They're done with it. They say "He's an asshole, move on, you can do better." But to me I can't. I can't do better than you.
You are a god in my eyes. I close my eyes and think of your chest and can't imagine ever wanting someone else the way I want you. I spend my days convincing myself that we're friends. Very Callie & Mark from Grey's. Except minus the lesbianism & the baby. But we're more George & Meredith from Grey's. Except I'm George, but plus the Meredith tears.
But you don't feel the same.
So I'll go on this date, but I know when I go home I'll have a text from you.
And I'll respond.
And I'll try to say something witty. Or maybe you'll insult me. Or maybe both.
And then he'll text. Saying he had a great time and loved my eyes and my stories about my cat and work. And in reality, that's pretty much perfect.
But I'll blow him off. And probably text you "where have all the good guys gone?" And you'll say "I saw that girl tonight, the one I dated, I'm freaking out." And then we'll get drunk on vodka and probably text "Throbbing cock" / "Wet pussy" to each other.
And I'll wake up and go to work and so will you. And nothing will be different.
Except everyone's heart is broken.
My friends won't listen anymore. They're done with it. They say "He's an asshole, move on, you can do better." But to me I can't. I can't do better than you.
You are a god in my eyes. I close my eyes and think of your chest and can't imagine ever wanting someone else the way I want you. I spend my days convincing myself that we're friends. Very Callie & Mark from Grey's. Except minus the lesbianism & the baby. But we're more George & Meredith from Grey's. Except I'm George, but plus the Meredith tears.
But you don't feel the same.
So I'll go on this date, but I know when I go home I'll have a text from you.
And I'll respond.
And I'll try to say something witty. Or maybe you'll insult me. Or maybe both.
And then he'll text. Saying he had a great time and loved my eyes and my stories about my cat and work. And in reality, that's pretty much perfect.
But I'll blow him off. And probably text you "where have all the good guys gone?" And you'll say "I saw that girl tonight, the one I dated, I'm freaking out." And then we'll get drunk on vodka and probably text "Throbbing cock" / "Wet pussy" to each other.
And I'll wake up and go to work and so will you. And nothing will be different.
Except everyone's heart is broken.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I wanna wake up where you are/I won't say anything at all
There's that way I feel when I wake up in your bed. My eyes crack open and I see that it's daytime. I feel my bare skin against the sheets. I breathe in deeply. It smells simple and clean, like recently done laundry. I roll over to the right, because I always sleep on the left, and see you. I want to trace the lines of your body with my fingers. But I close my eyes instead. I always imagine that this will be the last time I see you. The last time I touch you. It's this sinking feeling that I feel every time. You always get out of bed first. But not this time. This time I opened my eyes, looked at your back, and sat up. I want to pull you close and kiss you and hear you say "see you soon!"
But you don't. And so I won't.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Snow, work, and fake shovels
In case you live somewhere warm and sunny, this is what the rest of the country has been dealing with.
And snow like that makes me think I should have been a teacher. Or chosen any type of job that doesn't get worse when you don't go combined with weather like this. So Tuesday I was driving to work and lost control of my car blah blah so I made an adult snow day. I watched stupid tv, ate girl scout cookies, and got drunk by 5 p.m. But then today I was all, ugh, seriously time to dig out and go to work like a real adult. But I'm not a farmer or construction worker so I don't own a shovel. So I spent an hour digging my car out with this:
And then I went to work and had 42 voicemails. From people in Florida saying "Bitch you better call me back, I've called you 4 times today, this scratch on my car has to be fixed ASAP."
Then to top it all off, I get home at 7 p.m. and then realize my face is red. And rashy. And gross. And at first I'm like what kind of face disease do I have?! But then I was like maybe this from an hour of laundry basket snow scooping at 8 a.m. in 4 degree weather. Maybe.
Is it too late to be a teacher? Also, as I drove out of my apartment I saw a guy shoveling with a pizza pan. I wonder what his face looks like.
And snow like that makes me think I should have been a teacher. Or chosen any type of job that doesn't get worse when you don't go combined with weather like this. So Tuesday I was driving to work and lost control of my car blah blah so I made an adult snow day. I watched stupid tv, ate girl scout cookies, and got drunk by 5 p.m. But then today I was all, ugh, seriously time to dig out and go to work like a real adult. But I'm not a farmer or construction worker so I don't own a shovel. So I spent an hour digging my car out with this:
And then I went to work and had 42 voicemails. From people in Florida saying "Bitch you better call me back, I've called you 4 times today, this scratch on my car has to be fixed ASAP."
Then to top it all off, I get home at 7 p.m. and then realize my face is red. And rashy. And gross. And at first I'm like what kind of face disease do I have?! But then I was like maybe this from an hour of laundry basket snow scooping at 8 a.m. in 4 degree weather. Maybe.
Is it too late to be a teacher? Also, as I drove out of my apartment I saw a guy shoveling with a pizza pan. I wonder what his face looks like.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Town, The Past, And Feeling Way Too Much
This weekend the past was way too in my face. The weekend basically went "boy, booze, more booze, talking, crying, boy, apologize, booze, best friend, boy, other boy, more booze, lots more booze, embarrassing text messages, other boy, crying, apologize, booze, more booze, trying not to cry, The Town, more booze, boy, best friend, booze, more booze with boy & other boy, goodbyes, trying not to cry but still crying a little, booze, more booze with best friend, The Town." If you think that sounds like a disaster then you should know that it was.
So I need a new plan. I need to put the past away, put down the vodka, and feel.
http://twitter.com/stratejoy
15. Don’t be afraid to love with abandon. Love is a renewable resource and yes, your heart is resilient.
1. Practice radical acceptance towards yourself and others
"...I just want you to know that it's gonna be me who tells you to fuck yourself." -The Town
So I need a new plan. I need to put the past away, put down the vodka, and feel.
http://twitter.com/stratejoy
15. Don’t be afraid to love with abandon. Love is a renewable resource and yes, your heart is resilient.
1. Practice radical acceptance towards yourself and others
"...I just want you to know that it's gonna be me who tells you to fuck yourself." -The Town
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)