This one time my friend got punched in the face

Right by where I live there is a bar called The Outback. For those not from my small town in the middle of nowhere, The Outback is different from Outback Steakhouse. Otherwise you might be confused as to why we are wearing leggings as pants and taking shots before going to eat a Bloomin Onion. The Outback is the type of place where $8 will get you a never ending cup of booze and has a dance floor with cages. Obviously no good can come of this.

One Saturday night my friends Taryn (@tarynhill) and Brooke decided to head to The Outback, leggings on, ready to drink. At the end of a fun night we decided to head to the dance floor for one last dance. As we stumble through the crowd, I suddenly hear someone yell, “That bitch just stepped on my feet!” I turn to see an enormous black woman who was pissed. Taryn realizes that she accidently just stepped on the girl’s feet in her heels. Taryn, the nice girl that she is, turned to apologize. Woman pushes Taryn. Taryn says “Don’t push me while I’m trying to apologize.” What happened next happened fast.

Taryn got punched. Right in the face, the eye, to be specific. I instantly grab Taryn turn her around and move her off the dance floor. She’s holding the side of her face and crying, because she can’t fucking see, you know? Now in case you are wondering why I didn’t fight back, I’ll tell you. Taryn is 5’3” and I’m 5’5”. This woman and her friends were much taller and much larger than us. I definitely don’t have a desire to have my face smashed in. However, my little friend Brooke, who in heels still looks up at me, ran straight into that crowd of girls, arms swinging. I didn’t see what happened to her until the next day when I finally saw her black eye complete with a huge bandaged gash.

However, I did run to the bouncer and scream “Excuuuse me, my friend just got punched in the face!” And then to the cops, “Excuuuse me, my friend just got punched in the face!” Like hello people, do you see the crying girl holding her contact with her bloodshot eye? The cops assured her that there was no need to press charges because we’d been drinking and didn’t even know the bitch’s name. Taryn sits down on the bar step and is sobbing hysterically and keeps repeating “I don’t want anyone to see me with my makeup like this.” While her makeup was everywhere, that was not her only problem. Perhaps the problem was the broken blood vessel in her eye.

I took her back to my apartment while I proceeded to clean my kitchen.