This one semester when I went to the edge of the crazy ledge and back...

I left school for Christmas break in mid-December with a good feeling. I’d ended the semester with a 3.5 GPA and had 3 weeks off before beginning my last semester of graduate school. I even had two pretty difficult to get things: I had a boyfriend of over a year and had lined up a job in October for after graduation. Things were going great.

Fast forward to shortly after New Year’s. The first thing that started to slip was my relationship. We didn’t speak on Christmas and didn’t spend New Year’s together. A breakup that didn’t go smoothly or easily, but felt like a breath of fresh air.

Then there was the freak out about the job. The job I’d accepted suddenly seemed like it would suffocate me. I sent a freak out e-mail turning the job down. Then I was faced with the possibility that I might have to move in with my mom and work at my high school job. This was a major step toward the crazy ledge.

Then came the problems with Accounting. I’d avoided this class until my very last semester and for some reason this class made me realize that I’d made a huge mistake by picking this graduate program. As much as I wanted to graduate, the horribleness of this class overcame me. This midterm and my MBA capstone course midterm fell back to back in the beginning of March. I miserably failed my accounting midterm. And I learned that talking about failing and really getting an F are two very different feelings. The second pushed me closer to the crazy ledge.

Then I got really sick in February. I visited the doctor four times that month, once after passing out in the shower. I started missing several days of work. My boss was angry. Things at work got tense. And crazy. One more step to the crazy ledge. To the point that one morning a text from work sent me into such a crying fit that I was sobbing uncontrollably on my bedroom floor.

Then one day I woke up and it was April 23, 2010. It was my last day of work. School was done. I’d found a new job. I’d found an apartment. I had great friends. It suddenly felt like even though I was entering the unknown and the scary, it might really all be ok. That maybe I really had gone to the crazy ledge and made it back to talk about it.