A manifesto

Let yourself be gutted. Let it open you. Start there.

Decide what is you and mainline it. Embrace the decisions that truly make you feel like you. Embrace yourself. You are magnificent and wonderful and never stop knowing that. More importantly never stop being addicted to doing whatever it is you want to do. Lose the guilt. If you want it, then that's that and move on. You are a grown ass woman, eat the cupcake if you want and then be done with it.

Gratitude, sweet pea, gratitude. Be grateful for all of it. For this moment, now matter how big or small. Be grateful that life beat you into submission because that's how you learn to fight with compassion instead of fury. You are not broken, you are bendable, and you can survive anything. Damaged goods are the best kind there are.

Stop. Just stop. Take a deep breathe. Read a book. Take a bath. Have a glass of wine. Call your mother. Laugh so hard it hurts. Spend extra money for good cheese. Dance, for the love of god, just dance, anywhere and everywhere. Spoon. Don't rush through the moments when you should have been paying attention. Say thank you. Say no. No is the kind of power the good witch wields.

Ask for help. It's ok to not be ok. That crazed fire is normal and you aren't crazy. You are the best kind of fucked up. The serpent was the best thing that ever happened to Eve. Make better mistakes tomorrow.

Be brave enough to break your own heart. Leave the bad relationship, bad job, bad habits. The only way out of a hole is to climb out. You are the deciding factor in this equation. Be true blue. Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire. Don't be afraid to give yourself everything you've ever wanted in life. In this life. Take responsibility for the energy you bring you into this space. Be curious. Ask better questions. Say fuck yes to intimacy and truth. Love with abandon. Your heart is resilient. Above all be kind.

Be brave enough to break your own heart

These are the decisions I'm actively making now. These things, day by day, are my becoming.

All those things I said I'd do when I was younger-move to Boston, get a tattoo, vacation in Europe, have a job that I'm passionate about, wake up in the morning without thinking "what the fuck are you doing," I'm not doing any of them.

But now I'm actively not doing them. I chose all these things. I'm still choosing them, day by day. These things are my choice. To stay in Kansas City, to pay off my debt and buy a bed rather than vacation, to stay at this job. I pick these things every day. I could wake up tomorrow and change it all if I wanted, but I don't. These are things I want.

But god damn, what I'd give for some guts to do it.

P.S. Dave Annabele in Brothers & Sisters in his Army uniform. You're welcome.

Bullshit Monday

Find yourself one day unexplainably really happy – but not extremely happy, and find yourself one day unexplainably really fucking depressed, but not that fucking depressed. In turn, just find everything completely predictable and safe – nothing can happen outside the structure you’ve come to understand, and let this depress you greatly, and let it be the source of your motivation and happiness. @thoughtcatalog

To me, this is life.