Staycation, all I ever wanted, Staycation gotta get away...?

Ok, you guys, I haven't worked in one week and I don't go back til Monday.  I have not left Kansas City in that time, not even for the holiday.  So yes, this is a true "Staycation" if there ever was one.

REMIND ME TO NEVER TAKE STAYCATION IN THE WINTER AGAIN, EVER.

Or I might die.  I mean sure it's been great not having to go to work but seriously, this is ridiculous.  I sleep in the middle of the day or make crazy crockpot recipes that take 8 hours to cook or don't shower for two days or watch entire seasons of tv shows in half a day or don't straighten my hair in 4 days and my great plans are mostly just deciding what time it's acceptable to take my bra off and start drinking and that time is pretty much like 3 pm.  (Just kidding, I'm not drunk (yet) and I'm wearing a bra (for now), pinky promise).  Also I haven't worn real pants in a solid week.

What do people do all day that don't work?  I have no real idea.

Here's a brief rundown of what's going on my life, besides of course this ridiculous staycation:

1) I did all my Christmas shopping from dining room table on Cyber Monday (ASL?) except for my brother & one friend.  Quite relieved and impressed with myself.

2) I am starting my mission of doing at least one 5k every month for the next year.  In October I did the Color Run-Des Moines and in November I did the Turkey Trot.  In December I'm doing the Santa Run & Jingle Bell Run.  Right now I'm insanely slow but I'm excited about setting a goal and following through with it and hopefully getting faster.

3) I'm taking a test at work one week from today to increase my salary.  It's extremely important and I'm very nervous.  Like so nervous I want to throw up just thinking about it.  It'll be ok, right?

4) Ok, I'm STILL listening to Mockingjay on audible.  STILL.  We are going on, what, 8 months?  I'm so tired of it.  Katniss is always like PEETA, PEETA, GAIL, THE CAPITAL!  I'm over it.  I have 4 hours left though and I'm finishing it by Monday.  Then I'm starting Game of Thrones.  Why do I torture myself on Audible?!  Anyone have any audiobooks they loved listening to?  That didn't have annoying narrators?

5) Wendnesday is my favorite night of television.  Law & Order: SVU is so good with that hot new detective I've already forgotten Stabler.  Yep, I'm not afraid to say it.  And are you watching Chicago Fire?  J says I'm Dick Wolf's bitch and it's true.  Don't forget Top Chef!  At least once during the season someone loses a finger and there are always adorable asian chefs AND last week someone made mashed potatoes that were half butter/half potato.  How can you not love it?  Plus there's The Middle, Modern Family, Key & Peele.  But don't talk to me about Suburgatory.  That show is shit and you aren't invited to my wine party if you love it.

xoxo
M
(Don't get cute, you like Gossip Girl too)

Comes and Goes (In Waves)

The thing about stuff ending is that I want to know it's the last.  I want to know that this, I'll never have this again so that I can savor every last second of it.

I used to try to do that with him but then there'd always be another time until there wasn't.  I can't remember it now.

Hostess is out of business.   I'll be damned if my last Ding Dong was a decade and a half ago and I don't remember it.

I didn't know Fireside Nut Brown was going to be discontinued.  I feel cheated, like if only I'd known, I'd have enjoyed every last sip.  Instead I thought, see ya next winter beer.

I didn't know that the last time I hugged my grandfather would be the last.  I can't remember the last thing I said to him.  I've almost forgotten the way his voice sounds.

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.  You were always singing the words, it was so easy. But you can't remember and you try to feel the beat.

This time in my life, this time right now, is the most I've ever wanted to live, to really live and I couldn't be more overjoyed with this.

The little things become the big things

I want to tell you about my weekend, reader.  I doubt you care much, or at all.  I hope you do, at least a little.  Sometimes I'm not sure if you're even there at all.  Never the less...

On Thursday, J and I went to get Italian Nachos and beer for dinner.  Because we are adults but not grown up.  Have you ever had Italian Nachos?  They are fantastic.  Like an explosion of cheesy gooey goodness in your mouth.  We watched The League, It's Always Sunny, & Thursday Night Football.

Friday we had dinner with my mom and her boyfriend.  I find it weird to say "my mom's boyfriend" but I like him and he is a good guy and makes her very happy.  My mom likes J for the same reasons.  After dinner we went to a haunted house with J's coworkers.  We stood in a field drinking a beer and whiskey from a flask saying we couldn't feel our feet because it was just so cold before running through a maze terrified.  We went home and drank pumpkin spice lattes with pumpkin vodka and watched Shark Tank for awhile.  I couldn't get warm again and got so tired and fell asleep softly.

On Saturday we dressed in our Halloween costumes and went to his friends annual Halloween party.  I dressed as a slutty replacement ref and he dressed as a lumber jack/axe murderer.  We drank wine by a bonfire and laughed and talked and met new people.  I wore my hair in pigtails and I still haven't taken them out.

Today we went to the grocery store.  He made chili and I made jalapeno popper dip.  We watched football all day.  We checked our fantasy football scores and saw we were both winning.  I came home to my cat, Riggins.  I took a bath, drank some white wine, and now am getting ready to watch The Walking Dead.

I have tomorrow off work.

This weekend may sound oh so boring to you, reader, but it was so beautiful though.  This weekend I was happy.  Very happy.  I felt alive and loved and at peace.  And that's what I'll remember most about this weekend.

I'm baaaaaccckkkk...

My absence has been due to the fact that I no longer own a personal computer and while I now use my iPhone for all internet purposes, I couldn't get use to actually writing blog posts with it.  J recently remembered his old college computer from years ago still technically worked.  It's a PowerBook with a homemade battery adapter and no sound.  I am quite pleased and grateful.  J is the actual best.

Here's what you missed:
Took J home to see my small town
Drafted a fantasy football team
Drank pumpkin beer
Celebrated my little sister's 21st birthday
Took a long weekend
Got a massage
Watched a bad movie
Quit therapy
Made dips
Watched football
Watched the Chiefs & my fantasy football team lose
And lose again
And again
Took every Monday in October off
Watched a good movie
Watched another bad one
Watched the football teams lose again
And again
Took a bath
Drank wine
Ran a 5k
Watched the presidential debates
Cleaned my sister's puke off my boyfriend's wall
Felt inadequate
Talked on the phone to my mom
Put together a study binder (not full of women)
Became obsessed with olives and trying to be a good cook
Accepted J is the better cook
Talked on the phone to my friends
Drank more wine
Picked out a halloween costume
Looking forward to Halloween for the first time in years
Talked to my mom on the phone more
Ate J's smoked chicken (it's worth writing home about)
Watched new tv
Watched more new tv
Watched even more new tv with my cat
Read a good book
Read a good book in the bath
Ran a mile in less than 10 minutes
Took a health test that scared the shit out of me
Started counting calories
Was really, really cold #noheatoctober
Was really, really hot #whyisit90degreesinthefall
Realized that life is about what we have in us to be better, to do better and those that make us better
And upcoming tonight: pumpkin pie vodka & another presidential debate

Conversations I wish I'd never started

Conversation with my new coworker tonight.  (Side note, usually in the evenings there are just two of us working and it's not very busy so there's a lot of down time.  Previous coworker and I had lots of long chats about life, happiness, friends, & guys.)

Me: Where do you go to school?
Her: ____ Community College
Me: So what are you going to school for?
Her: Nursing.  But like, I don't want to be a nurse.  I .don't want to do anything really.  A stay a thome mom, maybe.  You know how women in the 50's just stayed home?  I want to do, like, that.  That'd be perfect.
Me: Umm, oh?
Her: Yeah, like nursing school is like so hard.  I mean to get into.  They want me to have good grades, like a 4.0 or something.  I can't get that!  Maybe if I only did school.  But I have like, a life.  And I work.  Community college is like, actually hard.  If they need so many nurses, why do they make it so hard?
Me: Uhhh?
Her: Anyway, I did some nursing work for awhile.  It was fine.  You know, bodily fluids don't bother me. 
Me: I get grossed out.
Her: I thought about being a cosmetologist because I like, love hair & makeup.  But that sounds like no money.  Also I thought about being a massage therapist, but I cannot like, rub people. 
Me: So bodily fluids are ok but rubbing is not?
Her: It's just like impossible!  Anyway, I don't know why they even look at grades.  What you want is a nurse that's just like, nice, ya know?  I'm super nice.  I would be great in an interview.  I hope they just like interview me.  And look at things I do in school besides actual school. 
Me: I'm going to go check the laundry.

Ladies and gentleman, that's the future. 

Anxiety, Beer, & Back Pain

1.  I've been struggling with my family over the past two weeks.  Like struggling to the point where it actually hurts my heart.  It's hard seeing people you love go through difficult things, it is even more difficult to see them make decisions that you aren't supportive of.  I know that I can only be responsible for myself and my own decisions but it feels impossible to still not be upset about it. 

2.  Yesterday we went on the Boulevard Brewery Tour.  It was a fantastic time and almost worth the two year wait. 

3. I wish everyone could talk more openly about mental health. At the very least I'm learning to understand my own struggle with anxiety. My biggest anxiety attacks usually show up on Sunday nights & Monday mornings and times when I'm alone after hanging out with friends and family.  Last night after the brewery tour I felt like I was literally dying, that my heart might actually explode.  It was my first anxiety attack in over a month, which was feeling like a victory.  But I sound like a crazy person saying I can't breathe because of the panic, don't I?  Tonight I'm fine and we'll try again tomorrow. 

4. My back has been in intense pain and I'm feeling a bit like I'm 25 going on 75.  I'm spending a lot of time on my heating pad and trying to figure out how to fix it.  It's incredible how much older I've gotten in the past few years.

5. Is it fall yet?

I caved and talked about Chick-Fil-A, also birth conrol.

Tonight I am scanning my Facebook page and am, for lack of a better word, confused about a majority of the comments (regarding Chick-Fil-A) I'm reading and also who the hell are these people and am I sure they are my "friend"?  As my blood is almost boiling because I hate ignorance and incomplete thought processes, I decided to take it out here on my blog rather than on Facebook (will I ever be able to just deactivate my profile?!)

Let's start by breaking down some things...

#1, Chick-Fil-A has always been closed on Sundays.  Simple thought process would lead you to conclude it's based on religious affiliations, which it should not be surprising, do not wave a rainbow flag by the cross.  This should not be a shocking revelation to anyone. 

"He simply stated his opinion on something, making this a freedom of speech issue."
The common "this is a free speech issue" comment.  If he'd said he doesn't support African Americans or women or the American flag or democracy, would we be so ok with calling it a free speech issue?  I think not.  Sure, he has free speech, but don't be blind to the fact that it still is a rights issue as well and people who are passionate about fighting for equal rights or those opposed, have the right to step up and speak their peace in return. 

Next of all, I don't care whether you eat Chick-Fil-A every day of your life or never eat it again.  If you refuse to eat Chick-Fil-A, I urge you to get educated on other businesses and what they support beause I am very sure Chick-Fil-A isn't the only business that does not support equal rights.  And likewise for the reverse.  And likewise again for other issues-child labor, employee rights, etc. You are incredibly ignorant if Chick-Fil-A is the only business you need to take a stand on.

Finally, for those who thing that a business owners opinions have no affect on their product and your consumption...get a clue.  This is America, you vote with your dollar.  Where you spend your money does directly affect various issues and this is a prime example. So don't sit there with your waffle fries and act like 20 cents of that didn't go to supporting groups who are against equal rights.

In other news, free birth control for the ladies!  I think this is amazing and to those who are comparing today's birth control victory to 9/11 and Pearl Habor, you should be ashamed of yourself.  You should be embarrassed and probably apologize to those who have suffered and lost loved ones to these very real tragedies.  There is a vast difference between American tragedies that have caused thousands of Americans to lose their lives, including soldiers, police offiers, firefighters, etc to a day when millions of women will finally have access to necessary and basic health care. There is no comparison. 

Lastly, I would like to direct you to The Wrong Side of History brought to you by Jenn.

Happy Hump Day.