#Reverb11 Day 6

(I'm doing #reverb11 prompts from several different #reverb11 sites, just picking my favorites.)

Prompt 6: Things: Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…what were your favorite things that you discovered this year?

Here are my five new favorite things of 2011.

Charles Shaw Wine.

Why yes, I would like a whole case of two buck chuck for Christmas.

Pinterest

I've lost hours of my life picking out vacations I'll never take, food I'll never make, and outfits I'll never put together. It sounds lame now that I type it out, but you NEED to be on it.

Massages. No more needs to be said.

Leinenkugel Fireside Nut Brown

The Walking Dead

I know, I hate zombies. But this show is soooo good.

#Reverb11 5

The Fifth Prompt: Describe 5 guilty pleasures aka 5 things I love that you probably don't or I probably shouldn't.

1) Leggings as pants. I know, I know. The horror. And the terribleness. But do you fucking know how comfortable I am as I sit there in my boots and side pony tail (see runners up) during the day? It's seriously amazing and I am going to keep on doing in 2012. And I don't care what you think they make my ass look like. In fact, you should probably buy me more tops I can wear over my leggings for Christmas. K, thanx.

2) Mr Riggins, my cat. He is named after either Tim Riggins (FNL) or John Riggins (Redskins), whichever makes you think I'm cooler. He is an asshole. And really fat. But wow, he's great at cuddling and making me feel awesome.

3) Fantasy football/The League. "Hey, man, you all just back off, all of you. I've worked really hard this year to put together an amazing team. I have studied the waiver wire; I know all the sleepers; I have done the bye-week plug-ins—I have done it all. And all I want to do is watch the game and find out how my team does."

4) Boxed wine. Oh yeah, boxowine. In the tub, on the couch, in a cup, by the pool, in the car, during all the TV shows, during the holidays (all of them), & uh pretty much any other time I want to be unclassy and drunk.

5) The Town. I have watched this movie two dozen or so times since January and it doesn't get old. "I just want you to know it's going to be me who tells you to fuck yourself."

Runners up: bacon and side ponytails.

#REVERB 11 Day 3

Prompt 3: As you reflect back on the happenings of 2011, what were your high points and what were your low points? What do you notice as you look back on the year as a whole?

The Lows

There was this day back in early spring, late winter...when my sister called me from the hospital (I blogged about it so you can look it up if you want the whole story) but I was up all night because my bedroom flooded. My nightstand and pillows were ruined, just water everywhere coming through the floor. And my toilet was running. And I was just sitting there and felt like my life was up in a mess and I had nobody that I could call, no place to go, no comfort.

And this other day when I found out he had a girlfriend. But not from him telling me. And I sat in the bathtub all day convincing myself I was fine, convincing myself I knew it was coming, convincing myself I wasn't crushed.

And the worst & lowest of all the days was this first week of May. An ordinary day when I thought I was going to lose my job. That I'd be poor and homeless and have no job and no friends and no hope. I was sick to my stomach that whole week. It was a desperation I'd never felt before.

The Highs

End of July, I got my MBA. I'd worked so long and so hard for it. Two and a half years, $20,000, and a whole fucking lot of heart. Suck it accounting because I've got a masters degree.

This Thursday a few weeks ago when I finally go the call that I got the job I wanted. I haven't started it yet, but god damn, I am counting the days. I felt like the entire weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. That I finally, finally fucking did it.

And then him.

Year as a Whole

I realize I'm really lucky or really awesome. Maybe both.

It's December? Time to #Reverb11

Can you believe it's that time again? I certainly can't. Didn't we just #reverb10?

Day 1 - One Word. Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you? If you did Reverb10 then bonus points for also re-posting your 2011 word from last year along with how you feel about that in retrospect.

After long contemplation, my word for this year is:

Awe. Just complete fucking awe. Up and down, over and over. I don't know, but I sit here this December in complete and total awe.

In 2012 I want my word to be epic. I want to do epic shit.

And my favorite part, last year my word I wanted for 2011 was love. I've some pretty awesome people in my life who I love with all my heart. And I found a guy who'd rather sleep on a wet a towel than let me sleep on the floor.

Sugar says it's all about gratitude

I am grateful life beat me into submission, because that’s how I learned to fight with compassion instead of fury. I’m not broken, I’m bendable, and I can survive anything. Damaged goods are the best kind there are.

I don’t know what all I think about god but I think that music and good books and whatever it is that makes me feel like I’m part of something wonderful is sort of like whispers from god and I’m grateful for all of that.

I'm grateful that as life unfolds it has only got better. Not easier, but steadily more complex, difficult, interesting, meaningful and challenging. And most of all that I have been lucky enough to discover depths and layers of love I’d never even imagined, love that almost hurts.

I am grateful for how much I have fucked up. Before I fucked up, I thought I was a good person. I thought I was noble and pure. But over the course of years I fucked up. I mistook codependence for partnership. I mistook my craving to be needed and loved for altruism. I mistook the dependence I created in others for strength shared. I mistook my distance and withholding for self-sufficiency. But I fucked up, and I learned. Failure keeps me from the corrosive trap of certainty, and I am grateful for it.

I am most grateful for having the most amazing woman to be my mother. She is amazing and strong. I never had a moment when I doubted that I am loved by her and for that I am grateful.

I am grateful for my sister. My best friend. I am especially grateful for the strength she has been blessed with and the ability to find faith in herself that we all lose at times. I couldn’t be more proud of her.

And gratitude for my cat, who reminds me that laughter and naps, no matter how cliché, are still the best medicine.

I am grateful for experience itself, because it teaches two seemingly contradictory things. That I am vulnerable and fragile. That I am strong. Most of all, I am grateful for small voices that speak out into nights blanketed in darkness and say: you are enough, your life is enough, this world is enough, this moment is enough.

I am grateful for my friends, who are courageous and honest and loyal. I don’t think I could’ve wished for better ones. I am grateful for him and it just blows my mind, incredibly. I’m so thankful. For going against the crowd. For inspiration. For true emotion. For literature. For food. For simple things. For joy. For happily ever afters. For love. For life.

I’m thankful for laughter, the kind that makes your face hurt because it’s so true and full of joy. It’s honest.

I’m grateful that despite how ugly things get in this world, things have never gotten ugly enough to rob humanity of its spirit and its unflagging belief that we have it in us to be better.

In short: I’m grateful to feel grateful.

Reach down your pocket/Pull out some hope for me

Oh, The Town.

"When someone endures an experience like this there are residual effects. You're going to be ok."

Am I? Because damn. But I hope, hope, hope. Please, pretty, please.

I'm begging, but please.

Love of mine, someday you will die

We weren't meant to do this life alone, that's for sure.

It's easy to say you hate people, you hate everyone and that you want to spend the evening alone. In real life though, things are better with others. Lazy football sundays, concerts, and times when your car breaks down after a shitty day at work are all times when you need someone else. Those things aren't ok without someone else there. And that's ok.

It's totally ok to not want to be alone and to quit wanting what you don't really want.

It's nothing to cry about...